


only fools rush in

by dharmainitiative



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Also David Harbour is here, Everyone else on the SMH also makes an appearance, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-03-12 20:55:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13555407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dharmainitiative/pseuds/dharmainitiative
Summary: It starts as a joke. That’s his story, and Nursey’s sticking to it.Or, a "getting married just so David Harbour will officiate the wedding" AU.





	only fools rush in

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JuliaRose12](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuliaRose12/gifts).



> So, this is mainly a sort of joke that I got a little too carried away with, so please don't take this too seriously lol. I honestly don't even know why I wrote this except for Julia told me I should write it so I was like "yea sure!!!" So mainly, this is partly a joke, partly a gift to Julia, the biggest David Harbour stan I know, and partly something I ended up actually really enjoying writing so I was like "yeah why not I'll just go ahead and post it!"
> 
> Anyway, the timing in this fic is off, because it takes place in 2018 and Dex and Nursey have been out of college for a year and are living in an apartment by themselves. But in the Check, please! universe, Dex and Nursey will be seniors in 2018 so they won't actually be out of college yet. But if you stop to remember that the entirety of this fic is completely unrealistic, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal lol
> 
> As I already said before, this fic is dedicated to Julia, but I also wanna give a shoutout to Tiff and Shruti for making me playlists to go with the ~vibe of this fic, and also to Jenna and Alizza for liking my tweets about this fic/supporting this ridiculous idea.
> 
> Anyway, the title comes from Can't Help Falling in Love by Elvis, or whichever other cover of the song you prefer. Personally, I was listening to the cover by Perfume Genius a lot while writing this, but you do you.

**@ErickaElizabth:** what would it take to get @DavidKHarbour to be the Officiant at my wedding in September?! [Posted on 1/15/18 at 6:03 PM]

 **@DavidKHarbour:** 125k retweets. Provided date works with s3 shooting schedule, I will get ordained and perform ceremony. I get to read an esteemed love letter of my choosing, and after the cake is officially cut, I get the very first piece. #allthecakes [Posted on 1/16/18 at 9:16 PM]

 **@DavidKHarbour:** Dammit. Not even 24 hours. You’re kidding me. @ErickaElizabeth DM me please to get the ball rolling. I’m making it seriously hard next time, internet, this is not over between us… [Posted on 1/17/18 at 8:08 PM]

 **@egyptianprose:** does someone want 2 get married to me for the sole reason that we could get david harbour to officiate [Posted on 1/16/18 at 11:08 PM]

\---

It starts as a joke. That’s his story, and Nursey’s sticking to it.

“Too bad Jack and Bitty are already married,” Dex tells Nursey after he’s shown him the entire Twitter thread. “I feel like we could’ve convinced Bitty to ask.”

“I don’t even think Jack knows who David Harbour is,” Nursey argues.

“He definitely does. Even _Jack Zimmermann_ has seen _Stranger Things_.”

“Whatever,” Nursey waves a hand. “It doesn’t seem like a stunt Bitty and Jack would pull, TBH? But you know who I can see doing it? Ransom and Holster.”

“Dude, _I’d_ do it,” Dex declares. “I think the majority of the human population is attracted to him at least a little bit. I’d ask him to officiate the wedding and then leave my spouse for him.”

“I’d ask him to officiate a wedding between Joe Keery and me,” Nursey says, “And then I’d try to figure out a way to swing both.”

“While you’re at it, you might as well throw Natalia Dyer and Winona Ryder in there, too.”

“True,” Nursey agrees. “They’re mad hot.”

Honestly, if Nursey had been told during his freshman year at Samwell that he and William J. Poindexter would not only be roommates in their first year out of college, but also best friends, Nursey would have laughed in their face. 

But there they were, sharing a small apartment in a town just outside of Boston, Nursey curled up on one end of the couch and Dex on the other end, his feet lying across Nursey’s lap. With Nursey in grad school attempting to publish his first novel and Dex teaching computer science and coaching hockey at the local high school, free time is a bit scarce between the two of them. But they usually manage to scrounge up a bit of time together on Friday nights, and even if they don’t do much other than watch Netflix and laugh at funny tweets, it’s still nice. 

Nursey is still patiently waiting for Dex to press play on the episode of _Bojack Horseman_ they were in the middle of when Dex says, “Hey, you know what would be funny?”

“Hmm?”

“If we tweeted David Harbour asking him to officiate our wedding.”

Nursey blinks. “Our wedding?” He asks. His voice comes out squeakier than he intends it to. 

“I mean, it would be a joke,” Dex says, though his ears are turning a little pink.

“You think we should have a wedding just so we can get David Harbour to officiate,” Nursey says, deadpan.

“I mean, is there really any better reason to get married?” Dex counters.

“Good point,” Nursey says, and reaches for his phone.

“What are you doing?”

“Tweeting at him. Duh.”

Dex laughs and playfully kicks Nursey in the thigh. “We’re the worst.”

“We really are,” Nursey says, and hits “tweet.”

\---

 **@dereknursey:** hey @DavidKHarbour, how many retweets for you to officiate MY wedding with @bringingdexyback??? [Posted on 1/21/2018 at 7:09 PM]

 **@DavidKHarbour:** @dereknursey @bringingdexyback 800K, with a few conditions: there needs to be two wedding cakes, not just one (once again, I get first slice. And one has to be chocolate.) Additionally, I’m writing two beautiful and moving sonnets that you must read to each other at the ceremony. Also, the ring bearer needs to be a dog. [Posted on 1/22/2018 at 3:30 PM]

\---

“Why are you like this,” Chowder says as soon as Nursey answers the phone.

“Why hello to you, too, Chowder, my best friend in the whole world,” Nursey says with false enthusiasm.

“You’re really going to get married to Dex just so you can get David Harbour to officiate the wedding?” Chowder demands.

“Dude, of course not,” Nursey says. “The whole thing is a joke. Obviously we’re never gonna be able to get eight hundred thousand retweets. I don’t even think there’s that many people on Twitter.”

“You do realize that you’re already at 400K, right?”

Nursey pauses. “Huh,” he finally says.

“I’m pretty sure Ransom, Holster, and Shitty have made at least ten extra Twitter accounts so that it could get more retweets,” Chowder adds.

Nursey laughs. “Did you retweet it?”

“Duh. So did Cait. Can’t waste a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.”

“You’d come all the way from California just to watch David Harbour officiate my wedding with Dex?” Nursey asks.

“I’d come all the way from California to watch you and Dex’s wedding no matter who was officiating it,” Chowder says. Nursey scoffs, though he feels his face get a little hot. “And you guys aren’t even dating!” Nursey can practically hear Chowder’s eye roll through the phone. Then Chowder pauses. “You’re not dating, right?”

Nursey blushes even harder. “ _No_ , Chow.”

“So, what? Are you under the impression that getting married as a ploy to meet a celebrity is the logical solution to the crush you’ve been harboring for, what, like three years?”

“Chowder!” Nursey hisses. He glances towards Dex’s room as if he’s worried Dex will hear him, even though Dex’s door is closed and he knows he’s taking a nap. Just to be safe, Nursey gets up off the couch and goes into his own room, shutting the door behind him. “I don’t have a crush on Dex,” Nursey insists, though his face is growing even hotter. “I — he’s — I’m just — ” Nursey stammers out. Chowder stays silent, and Nursey finally sighs. “When the hell did you figure it out?”

“A while ago,” Chowder says, though his tone is gentler than before. “You’re pretty obvious.”

Nursey groans, flopping onto his bed. “Do you think Dex knows?”

Chowder lets out a small snort. “No way. He’s even more oblivious than you are.”

Nursey makes an offended noise. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Chowder sighs. “Nothing.”

Nursey is quiet for a moment. “Was making that tweet a stupid thing to do?” He finally asks.

“Probably,” Chowder answers. “But like you said. 800,000 people is a lot. There’s no way you’re gonna get that many retweets, so I guess you and Dex can just live in satisfaction for the rest of your lives knowing that David Harbour briefly acknowledged your existence and believed that you were a real life couple.” 

“Honestly, that sounds like a pretty great outcome,” Nursey says, and Chowder laughs.

\---

 **@DavidKHarbour:** damn, and I REALLY thought I’d set a high goal this time! Fine. The internet wins again, and in THREE DAYS. @dereknursey DM me for details so we can get this party started [Posted on 1/25/2018 at 7:36 PM.]

\---

“So, uh,” Nursey says as soon as Dex walks through the door of their apartment. “We may have a slight problem.”

Dex immediately drops his bag to the floor and raises his eyebrows.

“So, uh,” Nursey says again, and rubs the back of his neck. “You know the tweet?”

Dex stares at him for a long moment, then closes his eyes. “Please tell me we didn’t get eight hundred thousand retweets.”

“We did,” Nursey says. “In three days.”

“Damn,” Dex says, then drops into the kitchen chair. Nursey slides into the seat across from him, trying not to look as concerned as he feels. Dex is quiet for a moment, then finally says, “We don’t even have a dog.”

Nursey blinks. “What?”

“He said he wanted a dog to be the ring bearer, right?” Dex asks. “Where are we gonna get a dog?”

“That’s _seriously_ your first response?”

“I’m sorry, okay! I don’t know what you want me to say! Clearly we didn’t think this through.”

“Clearly,” Nursey scoffs.

“I don’t know why you’re getting so defensive,” Dex says, narrowing his eyes. “You’re the one who tweeted it.”

“Are you kidding? It was _your_ idea!”

Nursey expects Dex to argue, but he just sighs. “Yeah, that’s true. To be fair. It seemed like a good idea at the time.” Nursey snorts, and Dex cracks a small grin. “So, what do we do?”

Nursey sighs, stretching his arms out across the kitchen table. “I don’t know. I guess we figure out a way to admit to beloved actor David Harbour and eight hundred thousand other people that we were lying and we’re not actually having a wedding.”

Dex grimaces. “I don’t really like that idea.”

“You got a better one?” Nursey shoots back.

Dex is silent, which Nursey interprets as defeat, until Dex lets out a small cough. “I mean. I dunno. We could always just get married.”

Nursey looks up sharply. “What?”

Dex isn’t looking at him, and is instead focusing on scratching his fingernail against the kitchen table. “I mean, why not, right? We already live together, pay rent together, go grocery shopping together. You even suggested we claim each other as dependents to save money on taxes.”

“Dex, that was a joke,” Nursey reminds him.

“Look, It doesn’t have to be a big deal,” Dex continues. His ears are turning red. “We can have a small little wedding, just to avoid admitting we’re liars and facing the wrath of the internet, and then afterwards we can get a divorce. Not like, immediately afterwards. That would be suspicious. But some time afterwards. It can be super low key. No one else has to know.”

Nursey just stares at Dex, who fidgets. “That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard,” Nursey declares.

“C’mon, Nursey,” Dex says. “Junior year we had a bet on who could speak in Pig Latin the longest and we ended up speaking in Pig Latin for an entire week straight. I feel like this is a little less ridiculous.”

Nursey bites his lip. “Do you, like — ” He hesitates and looks away. “I mean, are you trying — like, do you want to get married to me or something?”

“What? No! I mean, it’s not that I don’t — I mean, I definitely don’t — it’s just — ” Dex’s face is bright red now, and he takes a deep breath. 

“Look. I just think that it could be really bad for us if people found out we were lying for retweets,” Dex says. “What if we try to apply for jobs in the future and our employers google us and the only result is ‘Guy lies about a wedding just so David Harbour will acknowledge his existence?’ We definitely wouldn’t get hired.” 

“That’s...actually a really good point,” Nursey admits.

“I mean, if you have a better idea, I’m all ears,” Dex says. “But…”

Nursey leans back in his chair, frowning. He knows it’s a monumentally terrible and ridiculous idea, and the rational part of his brain knows that if he had time to think about it, he’d surely come up with a better solution.

But the irrational part of his brain, the pleasure principle, is more inclined to see Dex’s plan through. Sure, it’s a ridiculous idea, but in the end, it’s the idea that causes the least amount of harm. And anyway, like Dex had said, it doesn’t have to be a big deal — they can just throw a small wedding and be done with the whole thing. They could even have the wedding at Samwell. The grassy area near the gazebo looks pretty nice in the Spring, especially if it’s spruced up with a few flowers. Maybe the color scheme could have some grays or blues or purples, or whatever colors would blend nicely with Dex’s hair...

Okay, fine. Maybe Nursey only really wants to go through with the plan as an excuse to get married to Dex. But so what? Sure, it won’t be real, but for a little while, it’ll _feel_ real. Nursey can at least _pretend_ it’s real. He can kiss Dex on the cheek before they cut the cake and they can argue about what sort of hors d’oeuvre should be served at the reception and all that other stuff that couples do. 

And, as a plus, he gets to meet David Harbor. 

And isn’t all of that worth the pain he’ll go through during their inevitable divorce that will most likely occur no more than three months later?

Finally, Nursey looks back at Dex, who is staring at him with a mix of hesitation and concern. He gives Dex a small smile. “I have always wanted a dog,” he admits.

Dex laughs.

\---

 **Shitty:** MY BEAUTIFUL BROS

 **Shitty:** I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DID IT

 **Holster:** No, shitty

 **Holster:** WE did it

 **Shitty:** SHIT...UR RIGHT

 **Ransom:** I honestly sent the tweet to every single person in my contacts multiple times until I had 100% confirmation that they’d retweeted it

 **Whiskey:** Honestly...same

 **Chowder:** I think I tried to forward the tweet to someone but accidentally ended up emailing it to my coach...but they ended up retweeting it anyway so it was a success

 **Dex:** Oh my god

 **Nursey:** Thanks for ur support, guys

 **Bitty:** BOYS!!! I am so happy for you both!! I never thought this day would come! 

**Bitty:** I still remember when y’all were frogs and you couldn’t even be in the same room together without threatening murder! And now here you are! I’m so proud!

 **Dex:** Thanks, mom 

**Bitty:** I’ll be over tomorrow with a pie for the occasion!

 **Bitty:** ...maybe more than one

 **Jack:** He’s literally already started making the first pie. It’ll definitely be more than one haha

 **Jack:** Anyway, congratulations. I’m really happy for both of you.

 **Ford:** Was I the only one who didn’t know Dex and nursey were even dating???

 **Ford:** Regardless, congrats to you both!

 **Lardo:** I don’t think anyone KNEW per se, but we all suspected 

**Holster:** tbh, Rans and I have been calling it since our senior year

 **Holster:** That d-man bond yoooo

 **Tango:** Ok so

 **Tango:** I have a confession 

**Chowder:** What is it, Tango?

 **Tango:** ...I don’t know who David Harbour is

 **Nursey:** TANGOOOOOOO

 **Dex:** DUDE

 **Shitty:** NOOOOOOOOOO

\---

They end up with the dog by pure accident.

Apparently, Ford’s girlfriend’s parents are getting a divorce. Her mom won’t take the dog because she’s never really liked pets, and her dad can’t take the dog because he’s moving onto a houseboat.

“So it’s a house,” Nursey had said. “On a boat?” Dex nodded. “That is so weird.”

Dex shrugged. “I think it’s cool.”

Nursey sighed. “Of course you do.”

When Ford had gone to the SMH group chat to ask if anyone wanted a dog, Nursey had immediately replied. Which is how Dex and Nursey ended up with a three-year-old corgi named Alfie, who is unbelievably sweet, incredibly active, and shaping up to become a stellar ring bearer.

Nursey and Dex have been slowly figuring out the rest of the details for the wedding, too, although David Harbour is the one who has been mainly piecing it together. They’ve figured out the date (Saturday, April 14th), the color scheme (shades of plum and gray), and the flavors of both cakes (chocolate with vanilla buttercream icing and red velvet with cream cheese icing.) They’ve even picked a location — when Nursey casually suggested the grassy area near the gazebo at Samwell, Dex immediately agreed.

Regarding the guest list, they decided it would be simpler if they only invited family and SMH members. Nursey snagged Chowder as best man, luckily enough, while Dex’s sister, Addie, only a year younger than Dex and Nursey, is maid of honor. 

If Nursey had the time to sit down and really process the idea of faking a marriage to the guy he’s probably in love with as an excuse to meet an Academy Award nominated celebrity, he’d probably be having an anxiety attack every hour. But as it is, the situation is just so bizarre that none of it even feels real.

Possibly the weirdest thing about the entire thing, however, is how, not including Ford’s brief confusion, not a single person Nursey has spoken to about the wedding has even seemed remotely surprised. 

Even his family hadn’t batted an eye.

“Oh, Derek,” Mama had said immediately after Nursey had called to tell her and Mom the news. She sounded a little teary. “I’m so happy for you!”

“Which one of you popped the question?” Mom had asked.

“Uhh….” Nursey had stuttered, mumbled a few excuses, and then hung up.

Even Bitty, who Nursey would argue is one of the least oblivious members of the SMH team (not a hard title to earn when you throw Ransom and Holster into the mix) didn’t seem to question it. When Jack and Bitty had visited the day after Nursey and Dex had made the official announcement to the SMH group chat, Bitty had immediately congratulated them. 

“I knew you boys would figure it out eventually,” Bitty had said. “It was torture living through the whole ‘will they, won’t they’ in college.”

Nursey had laughed nervously and quickly changed the subject.

Despite the normalcy amongst their friends and family, things between Nursey and Dex have been a bit...well, off. They’re not arguing or anything like that, but there’s still an awkward feeling hanging in the air that was never really there before. They still talk, of course — it’d be hard to plan a wedding without talking about it. But still, things are a little different. 

Dex is quieter when they watch Netflix together, and they don’t spend much one-on-one time together anymore. When the two of them are in the living room together, Dex grading homework and Nursey working on his novel, the silence that hangs between them feels more awkward than it used to, and sometimes Nursey will look up and over at Dex just in time to see Dex sharply look away from him. 

Nursey isn’t sure what it all means. He thinks maybe Dex might be angry at him, though he has no idea why. It kind of sucks, though, and Nursey is a little eager for the whole thing to be over.

Most couples have a rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding, but Nursey was pretty sure if he had to practice a genuinely 100% fake wedding the night before, he’d probably throw up. Instead, Nursey and Dex have opted for a small celebration at the bar across the street from Samwell, and they’ve only invited their friends. Nursey is hoping it will placate them since there won’t be a bachelor party, something that endlessly disappointed their old teammates. The excuse they’d come up with was that Chowder wouldn’t be able to fly out for the occasion, but in reality, there was no way Nursey and Dex would’ve had the energy for a bachelor party.

Chowder and Farmer are already there when Nursey and Dex arrive, and the two of them make a beeline to Chowder, engulfing him in a hug before he even has a chance to turn around and realize who’s attacking him.

“Chowder. Dude,” Dex says after they’ve finally allowed Chowder time to breathe. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in a million years.”

“You gotta convince the Sharks to relocate,” Nursey agrees. “Like. Why can’t they just move to Massachusetts. The Massachusetts Sharks sounds nice.”

“I’ll definitely suggest it,” Chowder says, faking a somber attitude, and Dex punches him good-naturedly in the arm.

“Bros!” Shitty says, coming up behind them and throwing one arm around Dex and the other around Nursey. Lardo is not far behind him, and stops to ruffle Dex’s hair. “How the hell are ya!”

“We’ve been — ”

“Okay, so listen, I’ve got a question I’ve been dying to ask,” Shitty says, cutting Dex off. “It just occurred to me the other day that this is, like, The Most Important Question, and that I’ve never even thought to ask.” He claps both of them on the back simultaneously. “The question is: which one of you proposed, and how exactly did you do it?”

Nursey and Dex exchange panicked looks.

“Yeah,” Chowder says, faux innocent. “How did you propose?” Farmer giggles behind her hand. Nursey is going to kill both of them.

“Uhh — ” Nursey says.

“Well — ” Dex says at the exact same time.

“DEX! NURSEY! WHERE ARE YOU! I WANT TO WITNESS HOW IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER YOU ARE WITH MY REAL EYES!” Holster’s shouting is so loud, Nursey hears it from all the way across the bar, and the next thing he knows, he’s being engulfed in a huge, bone-cracking hug from both Holster and Ransom, effectively saving him from having to fake an answer to Shitty’s question.

It ends up being a pretty nice night. Jack, Bitty, Ford, Tango, and Whiskey show up not long after Ransom and Holster, though Tango and Whiskey only stay for a few drinks before they leave, offering apologies as they make their way out the door.

“Ten bucks says they’re fucking,” Dex hisses into Nursey’s ear after they’ve left.

Nursey snorts, but feels a small, pleasant curl of relief in his stomach. Dex has been practically glued to Nursey’s side all night, joking around and laughing with him over their friends’ antics. Maybe things are going to be okay between the two of them, after all.

Nursey is just about to respond when Dex suddenly stiffens next to him. “Shit,” he says.

Nursey looks over at him, concerned. “What?”

Dex gestures wordlessly towards the other side of the bar, where a girl with bright orange hair cropped down to her chin is approaching them. “Is that — ”

“Thought you could party without me, huh, Billy?” The girl says, clapping Dex on the back. Up close, it’s impossible to miss her signature Poindexter features.

Nursey looks at Dex, raising his eyebrows. “Billy?”

Dex grits his teeth. “Derek, this is my younger sister, Addie,” he says, clearly irritated. “Though how she managed to find out I would be here, I have no idea.”

Amused, Nursey, smiles. “Nice to meet you.”

“Same to you!” Addie says. “Although, honestly, I feel like I already know you. Billy has been mooning over you since — ”

“Addie,” Dex hisses sharply.

“What?” Addie asks innocently. Dex gives Addie another look, and she rolls her eyes. “Look, I’m gonna get out of you guys’ hair and go look around for hockey boys to flirt with, I promise.” Dex makes a small outraged noise. “I just wanted to stop by and say congratulations. Seriously, I’m really happy for both of you.” 

She turns back to Nursey and meets his eyes. “Take care of him, okay? You make him really happy. Don’t screw it up.”

“I — uh — okay,” Nursey stutters out lamely. His face feels hot, and he feels like his response isn’t enough, so he hastily tacks on, “He makes me really happy, too. So...”

Addie beams. “Great! Good talk.” Then she pats Nursey on the shoulder and whisks off.

Nursey stares after her for a moment, then turns back to Dex, whose face is fire-engine red. “Uh, what — ”

“I’M GOING TO GO FIND CHOWDER,” Dex blurts out loudly, and immediately bolts.

Nursey attempts to look for Dex, for a little while, at least. But after realizing it’s fruitless, he gives up and decides to hang out with Lardo for the rest of the night. Technically speaking, this is his last night as an unmarried man. He might as well not let it go to waste.

He spends at least an hour drinking and catching up with Lardo. Lardo is explaining her latest sculpture, and Nursey is just beginning to get a little bit tipsy, when Jack finds them.

“Hey, Nurse,” Jack says. “I think Dex has had a bit too much to drink.”

Nursey frowns. That isn’t like him. Out of everyone on the team, Dex has always been the best at holding his liquor. “How drunk is he?”

“I mean, not Nursey Patrol level,” Jack says, and Nursey chuckles. “But you should probably get him home.”

Nursey lets out a long sigh. “Yeah, okay.” He waves goodbye to Lardo, and Jack leads Nursey to the other side of the bar, where Dex is leaning heavily against Chowder’s back.

“Nursey!” Dex cries enthusiastically as soon as he spots Nursey, looking like there’s no one in the world he’d rather see, which, okay, Nursey probably isn’t sober enough to deal with these feelings right now. “Did you know that the groom isn’t supposed to see the bride the night before the wedding? I think we’re breaking the rules.”

“Well, seeing as neither of us is a bride, we’re probably okay,” Nursey says, gently peeling Dex off of Chowder’s back. Chowder shoots him a grateful look. “C’mon, man, let’s go home, okay?”

“Okay,” Dex agrees, easy as anything, and Nursey pulls out his phone to call an Uber.

They’re back at their apartment less than twenty minutes later, and Nursey has sobered up a good deal. He makes sure Alfie has food and water, and then helps Dex get to bed, which is easier said than done. It’s a bit of a struggle to convince Dex to take off his dirty clothes and put on a pair of clean pajamas (something Nursey politely looked away from, thank you very much.) But when it finally looks like Dex has settled down and Nursey is just turning to leave, Dex says, quietly, “Derek?”

The use of the first name makes him pause and turn back around. “Yeah?”

Dex hesitates. “Did you mean it? When you said I make you really happy?” His voice is barely above a whisper.

Nursey’s stomach flips, and he sits down on the carpet next to Dex’s bed. “Yeah, Will,” Nursey says softly. “Of course I meant it.”

Dex is quiet for a moment. “You make me really happy, too. You know that, right?” Nursey swallows and nods, even though he doesn’t know if Dex can see him in the darkness of the room. Dex sits up slowly, then presses the heels of his hands into his eyes. “I just feel like this entire thing was a mistake, and that. I don’t know. We’ve ruined everything and I’m gonna lose you,” he mumbles.

“Will, hey,” Nursey says gently, moving to sit next to Will on the bed and prying his hands away from his face. “You’re not gonna lose me, okay? I’m not going anywhere. Even if this entire thing blows up in our faces. Which, it probably will, by the way.”

Dex lets out a quiet snort, which blows directly into Nursey’s face. He hadn’t realized how close they were sitting. “We probably shouldn’t have ever made that tweet,” Dex says.

“Probably not,” Nursey agrees, and on a whim, reaches out and gently tucks a strand of Dex’s hair behind his ear. Dex holds his breath, and Nursey immediately stiffens. “Sorry. I don’t — it was sticking out — ”

“No, it’s okay,” Dex says, though Nursey swears Dex’s eyes flicker down to Nursey’s lips once before he leans back and clears his throat. “I should probably uh. You know. Go to bed, though.”

“Yeah, right, of course,” Nursey agrees, rolling to his feet. “Big day tomorrow, right?” 

“Yeah, definitely,” Dex agrees, deadpan. “I’m meeting David Harbour.”

Nursey rolls his eyes. “Asshole.” He flips him off as he walks out of the room. “Goodnight. Love you.”

“Love you too,” Dex says, and Nursey closes the door behind him.

It isn’t until Nursey has walked to the other end of the apartment, brushed his teeth, put on his pajamas, set his alarm, and climbed into bed that he realizes what he just said and what Dex had said back.

“Fuck,” Nursey says out loud.

\---

 **@DavidKHarbour:** Today’s the big day! If someone had told me I’d be officiating two weddings in my lifetime, I never would’ve believed them. But, thanks to the power of the internet, which for some reason gets a kick out of me doing random activities, here I am. Congrats to @dereknursey and @bringingdexyback. I’ll see you guys later for the festivities [Posted on 4/14/18 at 8:43 AM]

\---

The stress of the past few months finally decides to catch up to Nursey the day of the wedding, apparently, because Nursey really feels like throwing up. Only he can’t throw up, because he’s standing in front of the student center at Samwell waiting for David Harbour to show up, and Nursey refuses to meet David Harbour looking like he’s just thrown up.

What Nursey really needs is to talk to someone, preferably Chowder, about what he’d said last night. About what Dex had said last night. That would ease Nursey’s nerves. But Chowder won’t answer any of his calls, which means Nursey has been worrying about the whole, big “I love you” thing all day, by himself.

Had Dex meant it? Had _Nursey_ meant it?

Yeah, of course Nursey had meant it. Sure, he’d said it based off of instinct — it feels pretty natural to say “I love you” after saying goodnight to someone. But that didn’t make it any less sincere. In fact, it probably made it _more_ sincere — Nursey has been telling Dex he loves him so often in his head that it had felt only natural to say it out loud. And not just in the “you’re my best friend and I love you” kind of way, either — though that’s definitely part of it. It’s more of the “I wouldn’t mind living in this tiny apartment with shitty water pressure for the rest of my life if you were there with me” kind of love. 

So, sure, fine, Nursey is in love with Dex. But that doesn’t mean Dex meant what he said. He’d said it back, of course, but he could’ve just been responding based off of instinct. It’s everyone’s natural instinct to say “I love you, too,” in response to someone telling them they love them, right?

There’s also the possibility that Dex had meant it, but Nursey really can’t afford to go down that road. Not right now, and not ever. It’ll only just lead to disappointment. 

What he needs is someone to talk to. Chowder, specifically. Only Nursey has no idea where the hell he is.

Nursey is just beginning to wonder if maybe he should go try to find Chowder himself when he sees a car pull up and park right in front of him. When the driver’s door opens, none other than David Harbour climbs out.

 _Holy shit,_ Nursey thinks to himself. _He’s even more attractive in person._

“Hey,” David Harbour says as he climbs out of his car and approaches Nursey. “Derek Nurse, right?”

“Uh, yeah. That’s me,” Nursey says lamely, sticking out his hand, which David Harbour shakes.

“You look really nice,” David Harbour comments. _Holy shit,_ Nursey thinks wildly, mouth dry, and tries to say thank you, but he’s pretty sure only a bunch of weird garbled sounds come out. David Harbour acts like he doesn’t notice, and instead peers curiously at the building behind them. “Is this where the wedding is?”

“Oh, no,” Nursey says quickly. “This is the student center. I just figured it’d be easier for you to find it and park here, and then I could lead you to the quad. That’s where the wedding actually is.”

“Makes sense,” David Harbour agrees, and Nursey begins to lead him towards the gazebo. “This is a nice campus.”

“Yeah, uh, this is where Will and I went to college.”

“Oh,” David Harbour grins. “College sweethearts, huh?”

“Uh, not exactly,” Nursey chuckles. “We kinda really hated each other at first? And then we ended up becoming roommates because a coin got stuck in the floor — don’t ask,” he says to David Harbour’s confused look, “and he was a majorly huge asshole about it so we still hated each other for awhile, but finally he apologized and we made up and then we just kind of became best friends?”

“That’s cute,” David Harbour says, smiling. “I’m glad you finally figured your shit out.”

Nursey laughs nervously. _You don’t know the half of it,_ he thinks to himself.

“So, you excited for the big day?” David Harbour asks.

Nursey tries to smile, but he’s pretty sure it comes out more like a grimace. “Kinda? I’m mostly just really nervous, though.”

“Don’t be nervous,” David Harbour says, clapping Nursey on the back. _Holy shit,_ Nursey thinks again. “Look, not everybody figures it out when it comes to love, you know? There are a lot of people out there who are gonna be single for the rest of their lives because they never had the courage to put themselves out there. And who can blame them? It’s tough.” Nursey nods, too stunned about receiving real life advice from David Harbour to form actual words. “But hey, you’re not one of those people! Sometimes you gotta ignore the fear, say ‘fuck it,’ and just go for it. So, congrats!”

“I — uh — thanks,” Nursey stammers out, and David Harbour pats him on the back again, which Nursey is really gonna need him to stop doing. 

Sure, David Harbour’s pep talk doesn’t really apply in Nursey’s situation. He’s not getting married to Dex because he finally had the courage to admit that he’s in love with him, he’s getting married to Dex so he’s not ostracized from the entire world. But still, there’s something about David Harbour’s words that really resonate with Nursey, and suddenly he gets an idea.

“Hey,” Nursey says when they’ve almost reached the site of the wedding. “You know how you wrote two sonnets for Will and me to read to each other?”

“Yeah, sure,” David Harbour says. “Why?”

Nursey bites his lip. “I was wondering if I could ask a favor…”

\---

WILLIAM J. POINDEXTER and DEREK MALIK NURSE  
joyfully invite you to their wedding  
on Saturday, the fourteenth of April  
on the QUAD at SAMWELL UNIVERSITY

 

RECEPTION TO FOLLOW

\---

Throughout his twenty-three years of life, Nursey has become quite accustomed to the feeling of anxiety. He’s also become quite accustomed to concealing his anxiety, and most of his other feelings, from just about everyone. But he’s pretty sure that facade’s not gonna last if he ends up throwing up in front of everyone on his way down the aisle.

They’ve set up a sort of lavender curtain about five feet away from the gazebo, which sounds lame but actually looks really nice, and then, on the other side of the curtain, are all of his friends and family and Dex’s family and then, at the very end, in front of the gazebo, Dex himself. And also David Harbour.

Nursey has never felt more nervous than he does now, standing in front of this curtain. In fact, he’s so nervous that he heavily considers turning and walking the other way so he doesn’t have to deal with this right now. But then Chowder pulls the curtain back and shoves Nursey out there, and Nursey sees Dex standing all the way at the end of the gazebo, and everything just stops. 

Nursey is suddenly really glad they decided upon Nursey wearing a purple suit and Dex wearing a gray suit. Firstly, because Nursey knows he looks great in purple, and secondly, because Dex looks absolutely breathtaking right now.

Nursey’s breath hitches, and he slowly walks across the aisle. He knows, logically, that there’s a lot of people staring at him right now, and maybe, somewhere in the back of his mind, he feels a little self-conscious. But all he can really focus on is Dex, and how the gray in his tux really brings out the amber in his eyes, the red in his hair, and the orange in his freckles.

Finally, Nursey reaches the end of the aisle and stands in front of Dex, who hasn’t taken his eyes off of him the entire time. “Hi,” Nursey says, almost shyly.

“Hey,” Dex says back, smiling in that soft way that makes his eyes crinkle.

Suddenly, Nursey has a feeling that everything’s going to be okay.

\---

 **Holster:** What the hell, man

 **Ransom:** That was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen

 **Lardo:** What, David harbour in a tux officiating a wedding???? If so yes. I agree

 **Tango:** I’m 100% sure that whiskey cried

 **Whiskey:** Shut up

 **Tango:** Sorry. I’m sure there was just something in your eye, right?

 **Shitty:** Damn, tango is out for blood today

 **Bitty:** Whiskey, don’t worry...I cried throughout the entire thing

 **Bitty:** The RING BEARING dog, y’all!!!

 **Bitty:** Jack! Why didn’t we think of that?

 **Jack:** I was thinking the same thing…

 **Jack:** Should we maybe just get married all over again so we can include a dog this time?

 **Bitty:** yes

\---

The reception is set up in a large tent on the other side of the Quad. There’s food, the two cakes as per David Harbour’s request, a dance floor, and a DJ that hopefully won’t be as terrible as the DJs at every other wedding that Nursey has been to. 

During the wedding planning, Dex and Nursey considered not having a first dance at all. Neither of them felt very comfortable with the idea of a slow, cheesy, romantic first dance. It wasn’t necessarily because of the whole “fake wedding” thing, either. The idea of dancing intimately close to someone with an entire audience watching just makes Nursey feel uncomfortable.

Instead, Nursey and Dex decided early on to have their first dance be a re-enactment of the scene from _Dirty Dancing_. 

Despite the fact that Dex has only seen the movie once, it’s his idea.

“What?” Dex had said in response to Nursey’s surprise. “You love that movie, right?”

Nursey _does_ love that movie. He watches it every time he’s going through a break-up.

“Honestly, who cares about the cliche first dance, anyway?” Dex had said. “This will be actually entertaining to watch, and also my parents are gonna love it.”

Nursey couldn’t say no to that logic, so he agreed. In the reenactment, Nursey is Johnny, Dex is Baby, and Holster, Ransom, Chowder, Farmer, Shitty, Bitty, and Addie enthusiastically consented to being back-up dancers. They’ve been practicing for months, and Dex steps on his toes at least twice, but Nursey doesn’t think he’s ever had so much fun, and the sound of Dex’s incessant laughter is pretty addicting.

Despite the fact that it’s their wedding, Nursey doesn’t really get a chance to talk to Dex after that, nor does he even see him much. They cut the cakes, and Dex makes a big show of feeding David Harbour the first slice of the chocolate, something Nursey is sure Dex is internally freaking out about.

After that, Nursey keeps getting pulled to the side by his mothers, Shitty, Lardo, Farmer, and various other guests. 

This is largely due to the fact that all of them keep asking Nursey to introduce them to David Harbour. 

His mama and his aunt get so excited at first meeting him that she’s speechless, and Bitty nearly faints after David Harbour shakes his hand. Ransom and Holster just try to bribe David Harbour to give them spoilers for _Stranger Things_ season three, though Nursey doesn’t think they’re going to get very far.

It’s not until an hour later that Nursey finally spots Dex, standing by himself near the open bar, a beer in hand. Without even thinking about it, Nursey weaves his way over.

“Oh, hey,” Dex says when he spots Nursey, and gives him a small smile.

“Hey,” Nursey says. “This is fun, right?”

“Yeah, it actually really is,” Dex agrees. “Think Ransom and Holster are actually gonna end up with any season three deets?”

“If they do, they better share,” Nursey says, and Dex snorts.

They stand in comfortable silence for a little while, just leaning against the wall of the tent, when Dex finally turns to face Nursey. “Hey, uh,” Dex says a little awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. “About last night — ”

“Hey, you two,” David Harbour says, suddenly appearing out of nowhere in front of them. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m about to head out. I feel like I’m starting to feel your thunder,” he says, grinning sheepishly.

“Oh — uh — you’re good,” Dex stutters.

“Nah, it’s really okay,” David Harbour says, patting Dex on the shoulder. Dex turns to face Nursey, a mixture of shock and awe written across his face, and Nursey does his best not to laugh out loud. “But hey, you guys really had a beautiful ceremony. It’s really breathtaking to see two people so in love with each other, you know?”

“Oh — I — uh — ” Dex stammers, face turning red.

“Which one of you proposed, anyway?” David Harbour asks.

Nursey and Dex exchange a glance.

“Uh…” Dex says.

“Well…” Nursey says at the same time.

After Dex and Nursey spend at least a full minute standing there, stammering out noises and not ever forming any real words, David Harbour laughs nervously. “Uh, well, anyway,” he says. “Congratulations to you both. Let’s keep in touch, okay, Derek? Send me those honeymoon pics.”

Nursey thinks he says “okay,” but what probably comes out are just more garbled noises. He and Dex aren’t even having a honeymoon.

Finally, David Harbour walks away, and Dex turns to Nursey, eyes wide. “Dude.”

“I know,” Nursey says, eyes equally as wide.

“I mean. Holy shit.”

“ _I know._ ”

“Is it too late to leave you for him?” Dex asks.

“I definitely wouldn’t blame you,” Nursey says, shaking his head. “He told me I looked nice earlier today? I honest to God almost had a heart attack.”

“Dude.” Dex whistles, impressed. “He told you to ‘keep in touch.’”

“ _I know!_ ”

Dex shakes his head and laughs. “I honestly can’t believe we managed to pull this off.”

“Me neither,” Nursey agrees.

“But it was nice, right?” Dex asks. “I mean, he was right, it really was a beautiful ceremony. Lardo did a good job with the flower arrangements.”

“Yeah, she did,” Nursey nods.

“And the poems, were, uh, really nice.” Dex goes a bit pink and rubs the back of his neck. “I mean, I don’t know that much about poetry, but David Harbour did a really good job writing those out. Especially yours. It was, uh. Really pretty.”

It would be so easy for Nursey to just agree with Dex and move on. To say, “Yeah, David Harbour really outdid himself, huh?” and let that be that. But there’s a tiny voice in the back of his head that sounds remarkably like Chief Jim Hopper saying, “Sometimes you gotta ignore the fear, say ‘fuck it,’ and just go for it.”

So, instead, Nursey says, “Actually, David Harbour didn’t write that one.”

“Oh,” Dex says.

“Yeah, uh, I wrote it.”

Dex blinks. “Like, just for the wedding?”

“Um, not exactly. I wrote it, like, two years ago.” Nursey takes a deep breath. “About you.”

“Oh,” Dex says again. “So you’re...so this is like — ”

“I’m in love with you,” Nursey says.

Dex opens his mouth and then closes it again, stunned. He doesn’t say anything, though, so Nursey plows forward. If he’s already started it, he might as well finish. 

“I guess I’ve been in love with you since, like, junior year? Towards the end, though. Not the beginning, when you were being an asshole.” Nursey huffs out a sigh. “I guess that’s kind of why I agreed to do this. I mean, I know the whole thing was fake, but I guess I just wanted to have the chance to pretend like you loved me back. And if it makes you uncomfortable, then I’m sorry. I can move out, if you want. It’s just that I’m tired of trying to hide how I feel, and you deserve to know the truth. So there it is.”

Dex is silent for a really long time. Then finally he says, “Okay.”

Nursey blinks, confused. “Okay?”

“Yeah,” Dex says, and then he kisses him.

Technically, this is Nursey’s second time kissing Dex. His first time was barely two hours ago, during the ceremony, although that had been brief and Nursey had felt overly self-conscious about kissing Dex for the first time in front of all of his family and friends.

This time is nothing like that.

This time, the chatter of the guests around them and the Walk the Moon song the DJ is playing fade away and the only thing Nursey can concentrate on is the way Dex’s hands gently frame his face and how soft Dex’s lips feel against his.

When Dex finally pulls away, he leans his forehead against Nursey’s, his grin so wide that it threatens to crack his face in half.

“I love you, too,” Dex says. “In case that wasn’t obvious.”

“I don’t know,” Nursey says. “I’m not sure I’m totally convinced.”

“Asshole,” Dex says, and then kisses him again, though they have to break apart not long after because Nursey is smiling too wide. “Did you seriously not know? I literally told you I loved you. Last night.”

“I thought that was like, an instinct thing or something,” Nursey whines.

“You’re an idiot,” Dex says. “Why do you think I suggested this whole thing in the first place?”

“To meet David Harbour!” Nursey throws his hands up. “That’s what you said!”

Dex shrugs. “Okay, yeah, that was kinda part of it.” 

Nursey laughs and gives him a quick kiss again. “So now what?” He asks after he’s pulled away.

“I mean. I guess we should just stay married, right?” Dex asks. “It’s not like we weren’t practically married before. After all, we have a dog together.”

Nursey considers this for a moment. “True,” he concedes. “We kinda did everything backwards, though. Like, pretty sure this is technically our first date.”

Dex shrugs. “I don’t know, it feels pretty standard for us, right? Figuring our shit out together at the last possible second?” 

“True,” Nursey agrees.

“But, hey, I already have a really good idea for our second date.”

“What?”

“Our honeymoon,” Dex says. “It’s Spring Break next week anyway, right? Neither of us have anything we have to do. We could head to California, visit Chowder and Farmer, stay at the beach for a little while…”

“You really want to have an impromptu honeymoon?” Nursey asks.

“I mean, we kinda just had an impromptu wedding,” Dex says. “And David Harbour did say that we should send him honeymoon pictures…”

“Well, if you put it that way,” Nursey says. “Then we have to do it. You know, for David Harbour.”

“Of course,” Dex agrees, and Nursey decides to kiss him one more time, just for good measure.

\---

 **@dereknursey:** thanks to @DavidKHarbour for officiating my wedding and officially making this the best day of my life. those honeymoon pics are on the way! [Posted on 4/14/18 at 11:34 PM]

 **@dereknursey:** oh and @bringingdexyback was there too as the groom or something like that i think [Posted on 4/14/18 at 11:36 PM]

 **@bringingdexyback:** @dereknursey fuck you [Posted on 4/14/18 at 11:49 PM]

**Author's Note:**

> Now, you may be wondering why I didn't show the full wedding scene but like honestly, why bother? I love weddings and all but all the services are pretty much the same at every single wedding you go to. The reception is the actual fun part.
> 
> You also might be wondering why I didn't include Nursey's poem, or Dex's poem, written by David Harbour, and the answer to that question is because I am really bad at poetry! So yeah, that was not happening lol
> 
> Some fun facts:
> 
> 1) Nursey and Dex love Bojack Horseman, it's their favorite show to binge watch together, and you can pry that headcanon from my cold dead hands.
> 
> 2) The story of how Nursey and Dex got their dog Alfie is literally exactly how I ended up with my dog. For the record, I think house boats are cool.
> 
> 3) Nursey and Dex's first dance is the big dance scene from Dirty Dancing (a movie I have never actually seen all the way through, oops.) I didn't actually come up with this idea, I stole it from my youth leader, who did the exact same thing at his wedding. It was awesome.
> 
> 4) Because I put way too much thought into this fic which isn't even supposed to be taken seriously, have pictures of Nursey's suit! During the actual ceremony, I picture it looking more like this: https://www.mensusa.com/reviews-blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Daniel-Radcliffe-in-purple-suit.jpg. And during the reception, I pictured a more laid-back look, like this: https://www.mensusa.com/reviews-blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Jay-Ellis-in-Purple-Suit.jpg 
> 
> 5) The WALK THE MOON song that's playing at the end at the reception is "Surrender," which I listened to a bunch writing this and also is a good backdrop for the last scene, I think
> 
> Anyway, if you actually made it through this entire thing, thanks! I appreciate you! I tried to write a fun combination of humor, pining, and a little bit of angst, but I'm not sure I nailed it all that well. But hopefully it at least made you laugh like, once.


End file.
